The technique is a personality questionnaire developed on the basis of diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder according to DSM-III-R and DSM-IV in 2012 by a team of authors (T. Yu. Lasovskaya, S. V. Yaichnikov, Yu. V. Sarycheva, Ts. P. Korolenko).
According to DSM diagnostic criteria, diagnosis borderline personality disorder carried out according to the following criteria:
- pattern unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, characterized by polar assessments either positive or negative. It is assumed that persons with borderline personality disorder are unable to see the true reasons for the behavior of others (for example, caring or helping) and the behavior is rated as absolutely positive if it is pleasurable, or as absolutely negative if it does not. This characteristic is important in the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, as it reflects a psychological splitting mechanism that is effective at alleviating strong feelings, such as anger.
- Impulsiveness in at least two areas that are potentially self-injurious, such as spending money, sex, chemical addictions, risky driving, overeating (does not include suicidal and self-injurious behavior). Impulsivity as a feature is characteristic of antisocial personality disorder, as well as states of mania (hypomania). However, it is only in borderline personality disorder that impulsivity has a connotation of direct or indirect self-harm (self-directedness), such as in the form of chemical addictions or bulimia. The criterion of impulsivity explains the difficulties described in early works in conducting psychotherapy for people with borderline personality disorder - frequent conflicts, interruption of therapy at the very beginning.
- Emotional instability: pronounced deviations from the isoline from the side of mood towards decrease, irritability, anxiety, usually lasting from several hours to several days. The affective instability and tendency to depression in borderline disorder are similar to those in individuals with emotion regulation problems such as depression and bipolar 2 disorder. Therefore, the meaning of this criterion should be clarified, namely: we are talking about increased emotional reactivity, where mood swings occur, but they occur more often, proceed softer and less long than in depression and bipolar disorder.
- Inappropriate, intense anger or poor anger control(eg, frequent irascibility, constant anger, attack on others). Kernberg considered anger to be a characteristic feature of borderline personality disorder and noted that the anger reaction is associated with a situation of excessive frustration. Anger is both a result of genetic predisposition and environmental influences and may lead to future acts of self-harm. Signs of self-harm as a result of the realization of anger, it would seem, are easily detected, for example, cuts, but they are not always possible to establish during a conversation with the patient. Many patients experience anger most of the time, but very rarely put it into action (the anger is hidden). Sometimes anger becomes apparent only after the patient's destructive actions. In some cases, indications of anger and its manifestations appear in the anamnesis or are revealed during active questioning on this topic. Anger is easily provoked in a purposeful confrontational interview.
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, destructive behavior and other types of self-damaging behavior. Repeated suicide attempts and self-injurious behavior are reliable markers of borderline personality disorder.
- Identity violation, manifested in at least two areas - self-esteem, self-image, sexual orientation, goal setting, career choice, type of friends preferred, values. This criterion was described by O. Kernberg when describing the construct of a borderline personal organization. Since DSM-III, the criterion has been modified to distinguish between situations where identification instability is a manifestation of the norm, such as during adolescence. This criterion, more than any other, is self-related and therefore specific to borderline personality disorder. This may be important in pathology, when the perception of the body image is impaired - body dysmorphic disorders and anorexia nervosa.
- Chronic feeling of emptiness(or boredom). Early analysts (Abraham and Freud) described the oral phase of development, noting that failure to complete it leads in adulthood to symptoms of depression, dependence, and emptiness in interpersonal relationships. This concept was developed and supplemented by M. Kline's theory of object relations, which showed that, due to poor early relationships, a person becomes incapable of internalizing positive emotions during interpersonal communication (that is, inability to internalize feelings in oneself / oneself) and incapable of self-comfort. The feeling of emptiness in borderline personality disorder has somatic manifestations, localized in the abdomen or chest. This sign should be distinguished from fear or anxiety. Emptiness or boredom, which takes the form of intense mental pain, as a subjective experience of the patient, is extremely important for making a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.
- Real or imagined fear of leaving. Masterson sees the fear of leaving as an important diagnostic feature of the borderline construct. However, this criterion needs some clarification, since it is necessary to differentiate it from the more pathological separation anxiety. Gunderson proposed to change the wording of this criterion, namely, to transform it into " lack of tolerance for loneliness". It is believed that exposure in the early period, from 16 to 24 months of life, is important in the formation of the symptom.
- Coming in related to stress paranoid ideas and dissociative symptoms.
The short version contains 20 questions and is a convenient and valid tool for screening, daily diagnosis and verification of the diagnosis in psychiatric, general clinical and non-medical practice.
There are many classifications of a person's character - according to temperament, attitude towards others, perception of life. Another recently suggested American psychologist Ernst Hartman. He formalized in scientific terms what was already known at the everyday level: there are “thick-skinned” and “thin-skinned” people. Hartman introduces the concept of "boundaries of the psyche" that separate a person from the outside world, which can be fragile or strong. In his opinion, communicating with different people every day, we constantly move our personal boundaries, keeping a partner at a distance or allowing us to come closer. Thus, we protect our "I" from the outside world.
Having compiled a special question-test for the strength of psychological boundaries, Hartman tried it on two thousand people. And I came to some interesting conclusions.
- People vary greatly in the thickness of their protective barriers. For some, they are very permeable, for others everything comes through as if through a thick wall.
- The thickness of the protective barrier even relates to the acuteness of the perception of signals from the senses. For example, thin-skinned people are more likely to be affected by loud noises and bright lights.
- The psyche of women, as a rule, is less protected than the psyche of men.
- People with thin barriers are more suspicious, and they often have interesting, vivid, memorable dreams.
- People with denser boundaries of the psyche enter into marriage more easily, but receive less pleasure from his carnal joys.
- We all have skin that thickens with age.
- People with thin boundaries of the psyche are creative individuals. They tend to change their views under the influence of experience. Their mood changes frequently and for no apparent reason. These are not necessarily mentally unstable individuals, and they are no more prone to mental illness than others. But having very thin barriers can be dangerous.
- On the other hand, people with too thick boundaries of the psyche often experience difficulties in contacts with others.
- Differences on this basis appear in 3-4 years. But much depends on life experience and the ability to defend yourself from the outside world.
TEST
Rate the correctness of each statement in relation to yourself on the following scale:
A - completely wrong;
B - more false than true;
C - sometimes;
D - more true than false;
E - this fully applies to me.
1. My feelings imperceptibly flow one into another.
2. It is very easy for me to remember my childhood feelings.
3. I am easily offended or offended.
4. I spend a lot of time on dreams and fantasies.
5. In fiction, theater and cinema, I prefer clear plots that have a definite beginning, middle and end.
6. A good organization can only be called one in which everyone clearly understands their responsibilities and it is clear who is responsible for what.
7. Everything has its place, and everything should be put in its place.
8. Excessive closeness with other people sometimes scares me.
9. Good parents are always a little bit of a child.
10. I can easily imagine myself as some kind of animal.
11. When something happens to someone close to me, I feel like it happened to me.
12. Taking on some work, I do not like to bind myself with a plan of action, but in many ways I follow my intuition.
13. The characters of my dreams often turn into one another, turn out to be different people.
14. It often seems to me that extraneous, mysterious forces influence me.
15. It is impossible to draw clear boundaries between normal people, neurotics and just crazy people.
16. I am a down to earth, practical, realistic person.
17. By nature, I could be a poet, an artist, an artist.
18. Sometimes I hear that someone is calling my name, but looking around I do not find anyone.
Now let's calculate the test results.
In response to questions No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 18, ask yourself:
1 point - for answer A,
2 points - for answer B,
3 points - for answer C,
4 points - for answer D,
5 points - for answer E.
We evaluate the answers to questions No. 5, 6, 7 and 16 according to the reverse scheme:
5 points - for answers A,
4 points - for answers B,
3 points - for answers C,
4 points - for answers D
5 points - for answers E.
Results:
- the average person with average "borders" usually scores 35 points;
- 50 or more points - your barriers are too thin;
- 20 or less is too fat.
You can learn more about the boundaries of a safe personal space from a psychologist - for each person it is still individual.
/Illustration from pravnet.com/
Every state has borders. A person, metaphorically, is the same state, which has its own borders and its own internal laws, and also has protection from encroachers. Remember Perls' famous saying:
I do my thing and you do yours. I don't live in this world to live up to your expectations. And you don't live in this world to live up to mine.
You are you and I am me.
And if we happen to find each other, that's great.
If not, it cannot be helped.
This is about built personal boundaries. How to understand that your personal boundaries have been broken? And you will feel this by discomfort, you will experience dissatisfaction or even indignation, and your feelings will tell you that an “enemy” has infiltrated. For example, such markers may indicate a hack:
- Guests came to visit you, just acquaintances, not relatives. They stop at your home without prior notice or invitation.
-Family members (parents, spouse, children) have a habit of reading your correspondence, reaching into your pockets or purse, looking through your phone.
- Neighbors keep track of when and where you go, when you come, what you buy in the store.
The following test will help you understand how well the boundaries of your personality are built.
Your personal boundaries (test)
When answering the question, give yourself 5 points for the answer “never”, 4 for “rarely”, 3 for “sometimes”, 2 for “often”, and 1 for “always”.
So let's start:
1. It's hard for me to define what I want.
2. In every situation that is unpleasant for me, I try to find pluses, instead of just worrying.
3. I change my views and plans quite often because I try to please others.
4. I have a feeling that the more I do for others, the less I get from this satisfaction.
5. I consider other people's opinions more than my own.
6. I always feel like something good is about to happen.
7. I think that I have no right to hide something from others ..
8. I observe the behavior of others and reflect on it.
9. I maintain relationships with people with whom I do not like to communicate.
10. If I am offended by the behavior of another person, it seems to me that I myself am the reason for this and I apologize.
11. I easily give in to flattery.
12. I rely on people who take care of me.
13. I cannot refuse and fulfill the request, even if it makes me uncomfortable.
14. It is very difficult for me to put in place a person who offends me or someone close to me.
15. I am often treated with disdain, offended.
16. I know the feeling of anger.
17. I only help others because I believe that you should always help.
18. I feel fear and do not understand what I need to do.
19. It seems to me that I am not in my power to change something in my life.
20. I feel like I'm living someone else's life.
If you scored no more than 40 points, then you urgently need to start building your personal boundaries.
It turns out that there are people with erased personal boundaries. These people are very dependent on others. It is generally accepted that criminals also have their personal boundaries erased. These people experience terrible discomfort and do not understand why. Because they are trying to conquer other people's personal states, or someone has conquered their own personal state, turning them into their slave.
And why do criminals have their borders erased and what is the root cause - borders erased from childhood and subsequent crimes, or were there crimes at the beginning that erased borders?
What is primary?
Do you know the answer to this question?
Now, practically with whom I talk to work as a coach, everyone has the same trouble. The trouble with personal boundaries, which are in a very deplorable state. Understandably, without these most distinguishable and well-functioning boundaries, people experience significant problems in daily life, relationships, and in any career endeavors. They wrote in LiveJournal about the borders a lot and very well, so if there are button accordions in some places, call me.
I will not talk about physical boundaries in too much detail, because this is what is easiest to understand. Our body restricts us from the environment by skin and mucous membranes. Accordingly, the violation of the physical boundary is the penetration into our body.
What are personality boundaries? It is what separates us from those around us. Where is this line drawn? In our understanding and feeling of ourselves as individuals. In fact, the border is our understanding of where is ours and where is not ours.
Of course, you can look at our personality boundaries in different ways. You can globally - "it's me - it's not me." There are different aspects to a person. For example, I am in relationships, I am religious, I am sexual, and I am creative…. I-whatever you want. Therefore, the boundaries can be called accordingly your diverse self.
For example, your emotional boundaries are a set of feelings and reactions; your religious (spiritual) boundaries are a set of knowledge, feelings, beliefs, expectations and experiences that relate to religious or spiritual experience. Sexual - a set of what we consider normal and acceptable in sex.
The boundaries of our personality begin to form in infancy. At first the child does not feel separate from the mother, but gradually becomes more and more aware of himself as an independent being. Of course, certain aspects of our personality are formed at different times, and if a child finds himself in an unfavorable situation at a certain age, the formation of certain types of boundaries may be disturbed. If a child forms his personality in a dysfunctional family, then the formation of personality boundaries can be violated globally.
When the boundaries are normal and healthy, then a person feels comfortable in the world. He easily communicates, enters into relationships, breaks them up, moves from place to place, finds a new job ... and thousands of other small comfortable actions in life. Healthy boundaries are flexible. A person easily determines the level at which it is convenient and pleasant for him to communicate and whether he wants this communication. He can get close to you, and then move away if he feels that something is wrong in the relationship.
Nina Brown identified several types of personal boundaries
- soft - immediately merge with other people
- spongy - absorb someone else's - people are not confident in themselves
-hard - the same in all situations, a person remains within his boundaries. Violators receive a tough rebuff. On the one hand, this is not bad, but not the ability to maneuver in a situation can bring problems to personal life.
- flexible - those that can change depending on the situation.
People can break the boundaries of others by projecting their personality onto the opponent.
- blame the person for their problems (you ruined my life)
- control behavior (you shouldn't do that anymore)
- give unsolicited advice about how to be (if I were in your place ... it should have been done a long time ago)
- give settings, which events how to regard (this is devilry)
- give assessments of your appearance and personality (you are a fat lazy person)
In behavior, people can take your things, sit in your seat, use your money, not repay a debt, manipulate you, and much more. Whatever happens, a person whose borders have been invaded may experience confusion, fear, anger, frustration, try to avoid further communication.
If, on the other hand, weak boundaries intrude into a person quite regularly, such a person experiences quite a lot of stress, he cannot adequately protect himself from attacks. If normally we feel within our own boundaries our personality is our own, friendly, then people with weak boundaries feel stupid, losers who spoil everything for themselves and are to blame for everything. Sometimes people with weak boundaries develop apathetic depression. The person feels almost paralyzed by constant intrusions and cannot stop them.
The weaker a person's boundaries, the more often he attacks the boundaries of others. Not out of malice, but because he does not realize that he is leaving the area of his competence. The most persistent attackers are daffodils. Their boundaries are practically not formed, and with many loved ones they feel like one whole (as in the example of a narcissistic mother)
What are the signs of border violation/weakness? Such people:
- With difficulty in their personality they determine what belongs to them and what belongs to others. They often do something because "normal people do it / all women / real men / thinking and responsible workers." Although they themselves may not only be not interested in this activity, but also not love it in principle.
- It's hard to say no to others.
- Believe that their happiness and other feelings depend on others
- Continuing relationships with people who treat them badly or whom they do not like
- They trust others because others know better and the opinion of others is more important.
- They are concerned with the affairs and problems of others, and not their own. More time is spent on others than on yourself.
- They find it difficult to ask for something they need.
- Cannot fight back other people who can use their things or money
- Shy
- Obey the wishes of friends
- They are afraid to show their true self, they try to be what they want to see
- They find it difficult to express their opinions or open their thoughts.
- Sensitive to criticism
- Can't keep secrets
- Feel empty, jealous of others
- They invest more in relationships than they get out of them.
- Feel responsible for the feelings of others
- They often experience anger.
- It is difficult for them to be alone with themselves.
- Using speech (language) to express what we want, what we believe, etc.
- With the help of the truth about yourself (lie marks your boundaries in a different place than they really are)
- With the help of the sequence (said - done)
- By establishing an emotional distance (if a person violates your boundaries, then move away from close communication with him and involvement in his affairs)
- By establishing communication time frames (you decide how much and when to communicate with whom)
- Law "What you sow, so shall you reap." You reserve the right not to communicate or limit communication with someone who treats you badly
- The law of responsibility. Everything that happens within your boundaries, your feelings, thoughts, desires, aspirations ... are under your personal responsibility. No one else is responsible for this.
- The law of power is to find the strength to recognize problems within your limits and correct them as you find them.
- The law of respect is not penetrating other people's boundaries. If you refuse to break into others, people will break in less often.
- The law of false motivation - one must be aware that the psyche can find false reasons not to build boundaries. If I tell people no, they won't communicate with me. They will think badly of me.
- The law of proactivity - people with newly established boundaries usually break through. They begin to express their opinion, they can behave aggressively, assertively. This period recedes after the boundaries are strengthened and the person feels safe inside them.
- The law of envy - when a person looks at others how they succeeded and how they are doing well, he sets his boundaries too far, striving for the unattainable. As a result, his personality is not able to fill the entire space and the person feels inside himself a black hole into which all feelings and energy fly away.
- The Law of Activity - In order to maintain healthy boundaries and develop them, some social activity and work on oneself is necessary. Abandoned without attention, the boundaries again begin to wither and be broken through by others.
- The law of demonstration - by showing others your boundaries, you show others around you and reduce the possibility of accidental raids on your territory by negligence.
