You can't prepare for death. Each person faced the loss of loved ones, loved ones, so many are familiar with the pain of loss.
But often we do not know how to calm down, support the grieving, how to express condolences in connection with the death of his loved ones, relatives.
note! Offering condolences to a grieving person is a must. This is a tribute.
But it is worth remembering that people after the death of loved ones are in a stressful, shock state. Words of condolence on the occasion of death are chosen carefully, carefully.
Examples of condolences on the occasion of death in your own words to the relatives of the deceased:
- “The event shocked me. It is difficult to accept and reconcile.
- "Let me share the pain of loss with you."
- "The news of his death was a terrible blow."
- "I sympathize with your pain."
- "We empathize with your loss."
- "I offer my condolences."
- “I was shocked by his death. I will pray for his soul."
- "The deceased meant a lot to us, it's a pity that he left us."
- "Grief cannot be expressed in words, but you can always count on our support in difficult times."
- "We mourn with you."
Sometimes it's better to express grief briefly.
Short and sincere words of sympathy:
- "Hold on."
- "Be strong."
- "I'm sorry".
- "My condolences".
- "I sympathize".
- "It's a heavy loss."
If a grieving person who deeply believes in God, then they say such words of grief:
- "The Kingdom of heaven".
- "Rest in peace".
- "Lord, rest with the Saints!"
- "The world is bright to his ashes."
- "Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven."
Table: rules for presenting words of condolence
What not to say
Everyone wants to support the grieving. But there are a number of words and expressions that are not appropriate at a funeral. Expressions can cause anger, aggression, resentment.
What not to do:
- Comfort the future. When a baby dies, do not say "you are still young, give birth again." It's tactless.
It is difficult for parents to accept the loss of their own child, because they rejoiced at him, dreamed of the future.
The words “do not worry, you are young, you are still getting married” sound like “saying goodbye to your beloved.” It's cruel. For people who have lost children, spouses, parents at the time of their funeral, there is no future.
They are not ready to think about it. Their pain at the moment of loss is strong and painful.
- Look for the extreme. If there is a culprit in death, do not remind about it. It is forbidden to say what would have happened if they had acted differently. It is not recommended to blame the deceased.
Examples: “it’s his own fault, he drank a lot of alcohol”, “this is his punishment for his sins.” Do not defame the memory of the deceased, because it is not in vain that they say that only good things should be said about the dead.
- Asking you to stop crying. The mourner should mourn the dead and calm the soul.
Forbidden phrases:
- « Death has taken its toll, do not shed tears". A person in the phase of acute shock does not finally understand what happened, that his close and dear one has passed away forever. Such words sound cruel.
- « Don't worry, everything will be fine- sounds like a fairy tale or a cruel mockery. A person is not ready to accept such a statement, he does not believe that the pain will let him go and life will get better.
- « Time heals". Not even time can heal spiritual wounds. The pain of loss will always be there. Any person who has experienced death will confirm this.
- « So he was exhausted, he is fine there". If the deceased was very ill, then words are unlikely to calm the mourner.
He has one desire - to see a loved one nearby, and not to think that he is well in heaven.
- « Think about it, it’s even worse for others, at least you have relatives left". Don't use comparisons. Respect the person's pain.
- « I understand how it hurts" is a common and tactless phrase. Understanding a mourner is difficult.
Never discount the loss with the words “it’s good that you didn’t get hurt”, “think about the children, parents”, etc.
For those who mourn, death is a shock in life. He is not ready to look for positive moments in the loss of loved ones.
Important! It is worth remembering that condolences are offered from the heart. But this does not mean that you are allowed to say everything that comes to mind.
Grieving people do not perceive reality well, their subconscious is clouded with grief and resentment, so you should not provoke a person.
During the shock phase, one should not be interested in the details of the death of the deceased.
condolences in writing
Don't be sorry:
- In verse.
- By SMS.
This is neglect. Funerals are no place for poetry, and texting should be replaced with a phone call. If it is not possible to call, then you can express condolences in writing.
Sample text:
- « We deeply mourn the death of the deceased.. He was an amazing, kind and well-mannered person, surprising with his joy and spontaneity.
It is difficult to write, the hand does not hold the pen from grief, but still it is necessary. We are sorry that this happened, but we are happy that fate brought us together with such an amazing person. Peace be upon him on earth and in heaven."
- « The news of the loss shocked my mind. I convey my condolences and express deep respect to the deceased.”
- « It is difficult to find words when a storm rages in the soul and the bitterness of loss. Can't believe this happened. Our condolences. We pray for him."
Choose sensitive phrases that do not go beyond morality. In the text, you need to briefly acknowledge the loss, support the relatives of the deceased.
When writing a letter to relatives, describe the memories associated with it. When writing a text to a colleague, remember his business, personal qualities.
Useful video
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Sometimes supporting a person in difficult times means saving his life. Both close and unfamiliar people can find themselves in a difficult situation. Absolutely anyone can provide help and support - moral, physical or material. To do this, you need to know which phrases and actions are the most significant. Timely help and sincere words will help a person return to their previous way of life and survive what happened.
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- Speak words of love. They must be repeated sincerely, with genuine participation. By voicing the phrase: “I love you very much and will always be there,” you can reassure a person, create an atmosphere of security.
- To compliment. Sick people are very vulnerable, so they listen to every word and gesture of others. Remarks about the smallest changes in appearance for the better will sound like compliments. Even if these changes are not present, it is recommended to say about their presence. A sick person is not able to perceive reality objectively. With oncology, this will give the suffering person hope for a miracle; with a serious non-fatal illness, it will speed up recovery.
- To praise. Praise a sick person should be for every little thing, even for a spoonful or a sip of water eaten. A positive attitude will contribute to a speedy recovery or alleviation of the patient's condition.
- Keep at a distance. A phone call or Skype conversation would be appropriate. It is very important for the patient to hear a native voice, to see a familiar face. Further actions will be constant SMS, written poems, sent pictures and all those things that the patient likes. But the most significant will be the phrase: "I'm on my way."
- Discuss abstract topics. It is worth moving away from boring topics and giving preference to light and fun ones. We must try to remember an interesting story, an anecdote, tell funny news. You can try to discuss neutral topics: a read book, a movie, a recipe for a dish - everything that will interest the patient at least a little.
- Disease. You should not discuss the symptoms, look for their confirmation, give similar examples from the lives of people you know. The exception can only be happy cases of successful healing.
- Friends reaction. It is not at all necessary for a sick person to know what kind of reaction his illness caused in others. If this touched someone, let him visit him personally (do not notify about this in advance, as the visit may break and the patient will be disappointed). A reasonable solution would be to simply say hello and tell the news about an acquaintance.
- Personal impression. It is categorically not worth telling what reaction the disease caused in the helping person or nearby relatives. Trying to demonstrate your compassion, you can upset the patient even more, because he became the culprit of the experience and continues to torment his loved ones with his position.
- Distance. If the terrible news about the illness of a loved one caught up far from him, the best solution would be to urgently hit the road. This must be informed. The solution of issues, negotiations with superiors regarding the departure and other problems should remain secret. The patient should not be aware of matters that may be more important than him. If it is not possible to come, then you can refer to the lack of tickets, non-flying weather and other factors. Here, a lie will be to the rescue, since waiting can prolong the patient's life.
- A pity. If the disease is fatal, the pity of loved ones will constantly remind of this, causing a bad mood and deterioration in well-being. If the disease is not so serious, then there is a risk of its complications, because the patient will think that something is not being told to him. Sometimes the patient may have a reluctance to recover, as constant pity is addictive and even simulation.
- Care. Some patients need constant care because they cannot do anything on their own. But even if a person does not need enhanced care, attention and care will only benefit him. It would be appropriate to simply offer to lie down and make tea. A good help would be cleaning the apartment or cooking dinner. The main thing is to correctly assess the situation and help only if necessary. Do not forcibly remove the patient from his usual duties, persistently sending him to rest. Sometimes it’s enough just to be there and let them take care of themselves. This will allow a sick person to temporarily forget about his illness and feel needed.
- Abstraction. It is useful to distract the patient from medical procedures and talk about pills. If a person has the ability to move around, it is necessary to persuade him to take a walk in the fresh air. You can visit some events, exhibitions, museums, creative evenings, etc. The changed appearance should not be a hindrance, the main task will be to convince the patient that now positive emotions are much more important than the perception of others.
- Shock. It can last from several minutes to several weeks. The impossibility of perceiving reality is accompanied by a lack of control over emotions. Attacks can be accompanied by a violent manifestation of grief or complete inactivity with stone calmness and detachment. The person does not eat anything, does not sleep, does not talk and hardly moves. At this point, he needs psychological help. A reasonable decision would be to leave him alone, not to impose his care, not to try to force feed, water, start a conversation with him. You just need to be there, hug, take by the hand. It is important to carefully monitor the reaction. Do not start conversations on the topic: “if we had known earlier, we had time, etc.”. It is already impossible to return anything, so you should not provoke feelings of guilt. No need to talk about the deceased in the present tense, remember his torment. It is not recommended to make plans for the future: "everything is ahead, you will still have time, you will still find it, life goes on ...". It will be much better to help in organizing the funeral, cleaning, cooking.
- Experience. This period ends after two months. At this time, a person is a little slow, poorly oriented, almost unable to concentrate, every extra word or gesture can burst into tears. The feeling of a lump in the throat and sad memories do not let you sleep, there is no appetite. Memories of the departed cause a feeling of guilt, idealization of the image of the deceased, or aggression towards him. During this period, you can support a person with kind words about the deceased. Such behavior will confirm a positive attitude towards the departed person and will become the basis for a common experience about his death. Do not give examples of other people who have experienced even greater grief. This will be perceived as tactless and disrespectful. Walks, simple activities, a simple release of emotions in the form of joint tears will be very effective. If a person wants to be alone, do not disturb him. In this case, you need to constantly be in touch, call or write messages.
- Awareness. This phase tends to end a year after the loss. A person may still suffer, but he is already aware of the irreversibility of the situation. It gradually enters the usual mode, it becomes possible to concentrate on working moments or everyday problems. Attacks of unbearable mental pain visit less and less. During this period, he has almost returned to normal life, but the bitterness of loss is still present. Therefore, it is necessary to unobtrusively introduce him to new activities and recreation. This should be done as tactfully as possible. You should control your words and be sympathetic to possible deviations from his usual behavior.
- Recovery. A person fully recovers one and a half years after the loss. The sharp pain is replaced by a quiet sadness. Memories are not always accompanied by tears, it becomes possible to control emotions. A person tries to take care of loved ones, now living people, but he still needs the help of a true friend.
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Helping people in difficult situations
In a person's life, there are many situations in which psychological, moral and even physical help is required. In this case, the presence of people is necessary - relatives, friends, acquaintances or just strangers. The degree of intimacy and the duration of acquaintance does not matter.
To support a person, it is not necessary to have a special education, a sincere desire to help and a sense of tact are enough. After all, correctly chosen and sincere words can change a person’s attitude to the current situation.
Shared experience
Understanding
A person who finds himself in trouble should know that he is understood. It is very important during this period to have a like-minded person nearby. If the situation is related to the loss of a beloved man or job, remembering a personal example will be the most effective medicine. It is recommended to tell how hard it was during this period and how successfully it all ended in the end. But do not focus on your heroism and quick problem solving. You just need to say that everyone has such problems, and a friend will definitely cope with them too.
All will pass
You need to convince the person that you need to wait a bit, and it will become much easier. The realization that everything will be fine will create an atmosphere of security and peace.
Guilt
In a difficult moment, it is natural for a person to blame himself for all the troubles. He tries to shift responsibility for actions to which he has nothing to do. In this case, the task of close people is to dissuade a person from this. Try to refute all possible positive outcomes of the situation. If there is still a person’s fault in what happened, you need to try to make amends for it. It is recommended to find words that will help convince a person to ask for forgiveness, which is necessary for his own good.
Solution
A direct question will be very effective, how can a person be helped in this situation. You can offer your own solutions without waiting for his appeal. Sincere interest and taking action will make you feel supported.
In no case should you use the phrases: "forget", "do not worry", "do not cry", "it's even better." Attempts to “bring to life” with the help of screaming, accusations and sudden movements will not lead to anything. Such “help” can lead to a complication of the situation.
How to support the man you love
Representatives of the stronger sex try to restrain their emotions, so they most often close in on themselves. From this experience, they become even stronger, and a mental wound brings not only psychological experiences, but also physical pain. The girl at this moment should be as attentive and caring as possible, but in no case intrusive.
If a husband has problems at work, which are accompanied by material losses, it is necessary to say the most important words for a man: “Money cannot affect our relationship in any way. I will always be there." This should be said as calmly as possible, with a smile and tenderness. Excessive emotionality or nervousness will confirm the man's fears that the relationship is purely mercantile.
If the problems are related to relationships in the work team or relatives, an assurance that the girl is on the side of the guy would be appropriate here. He does not need to reproach himself and feel guilty. The beloved woman fully and completely shares his point of view and will do everything necessary for the successful resolution of the situation. It does not hurt to tell a man that he is strong and will definitely cope with problems. Self-esteem will not allow him not to justify the hopes placed on him. SMS with words of love or poems during the working day will cheer him up. An example of such a message:
Words of support for the woman you love
To help the woman you love, you should start with affection and tenderness, the essence of the problem does not matter. First of all, you need to hug her, kiss and calm her down. The most necessary at this moment will be the words: “Calm down, I am near and I love you. Trust me". Then you can continue to hug, drink tea and wait for complete calm. Only after that it is recommended to calmly sort out the situation, be sure to take the side of the beloved woman.
Assistance, both moral and physical, should be provided. You may have to talk with the offenders, sort things out, take some action. In a word - to shift part of the work on yourself. Feeling a strong male shoulder and real help, any girl will calm down, no matter how difficult the situation. A small gift, a trip to a restaurant or a theater will quickly bring her back to her old life. Phone calls during the day, SMS in the form of words of love and support in prose or poetry will be very appropriate. An example of such a message:
How to comfort a sick person
Support for a sick person can be provided in the form of words and actions. But this is not always possible, since people can be at a distance from each other.
Kind words
The most valuable way to help a suffering person will be words of support. To calm the patient, you can:
Forbidden words
Some phrases can harm a sick person. Do not talk about the following topics:
Useful actions
Correct actions in relation to the patient contribute to recovery or can alleviate the course of the disease:
Condolences after the death of a loved one
The irreparable loss of loved ones causes severe suffering, which a person cannot cope with without outside help. In order to provide the necessary support in a timely manner, it is recommended to familiarize yourself with the main phases of the emotional state in this situation:
If the described phases are delayed in time or do not come to change, it is urgent to seek help from specialists. This condition is dangerous and fraught with the occurrence of serious diseases.
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If it is difficult for a person you care about, you should be there. Even those who do not want to appear weak are waiting for a kind word. This makes it easier to deal with problems. Yes, circumstances are not always conducive to this. But if you are alive and well, did not fly on an expedition into space, then there are many ways to support a loved one without a personal presence. One option is messengers.
In dark times, bright people are clearly visible.
Erich Maria Remarque
In order for these words to touch you on a positive side, we offer a complete list with examples of supportive messages that you can send. Copy SMS and immediately send to the recipient.
Universal
In your own words
* * *
I want you to know that even in this moment you are not alone. There are many like you. Lots of. You just don't know. And this confirms the fact that it can be experienced!
* * *
To reach the goal, you must first of all go. If something happened, then you are not standing still. This is just an event that met along the road of life. Nothing just happens.
* * *
The biggest mistake you can make in life is the constant fear of making mistakes.
* * *
Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it, instead of living and enjoying it.
* * *
There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere.
* * *
* * *
When you feel very bad, raise your head. You will definitely see the sunshine.
* * *
When you really want something, the whole Universe will help to ensure that your desire comes true.
* * *
You can only see what you believe. Believe and you will see.
* * *
Fuck everyone who doesn't believe in you. Remember once and for all: faith in your own strength is the main incentive to achieve your goal.
* * *
If you don't believe in yourself, you won't achieve anything. Therefore, avoid those who make you doubt your own abilities.
* * *
Do not waste your thoughts, emotions and feelings on unworthy people.
* * *
Helping others improves your own life.
In verse
* * *
While we are alive, we can fix everything ...
Realize everything, repent ... Forgive.
Do not take revenge on enemies, do not dissemble loved ones,
Friends that pushed away, return ...
While we are alive, you can look back ...
See the path you came from.
Waking up from terrible dreams, push off
From the abyss to which they approached.
While we are alive ... How many have managed
Stop loved ones that are gone?
We did not have time to forgive them in life,
And to ask for forgiveness, - Could not.
When they leave in silence
There, from where there is definitely no return,
Sometimes it takes a few minutes
Understand - oh my God, how guilty we are ...
And the photo is a black and white movie.
Tired eyes - a familiar look.
They already forgave us a long time ago
For the fact that they were too rarely around,
For no calls, no meetings, no warmth.
Not faces in front of us, just shadows...
And how much was not said
And not about that, and not with those phrases.
Tight pain - guilt final touch -
Scraping, cold skin.
For all that we have not done for them,
They forgive. We cannot ourselves...
* * *
When a tear drips from pain ...
You sit quietly in silence ...
Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired ...
Tell yourself alone...
I'll be happy! Through thick and thin!
* * *
Yes, everyone is missing something...
That snow for some reason quickly melts,
That morning comes late
There are no warm days.
There is always something lacking.
But, living the rest of the days,
Suddenly I see - there is no lack
Nothing ... just not enough years
To stop getting angry
To life and enjoy it.
* * *
You don't have to live to get to heaven
And you need to create a paradise!
Do not slander, do not betray
And don't steal the lives of others.
Sometimes an atheist
According to my conscience
Closer to God than an artist
What is in the cassock for people ...
Once God is in the heart, then heaven is in the soul!
And if it's dark
You can't get to heaven already
Hell no matter...
Loss of a loved one
parents
* * *
Hold on! In memory of my mother. She wouldn't want to see you in despair.
* * *
The death of a loved one is an irreparable grief. I understand how hard it is for you. Be strong in spirit.
* * *
A bright memory of her forever in our hearts. She was a good person, you need to continue to carry out her mission.
* * *
We sincerely mourn and condole with you at this bitter moment.
* * *
We will carry a bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.
child
* * *
Accept my condolences! There has never been a better one, and there never will be. But in yours and in our hearts, he will remain a young, strong, full of life man. Everlasting memory! Hold on!
* * *
Condolences to you! You need to find the strength in yourself to survive these most difficult minutes and difficult days. In our memory he will forever remain a good man!
* * *
Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of a heavy, irreparable loss!
* * *
For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love of life illuminate your emptiness and grief of loss, help you survive the time of farewell. We mourn with you in difficult times and will remember him forever!
* * *
It is very bitter to lose loved ones and relatives, but it is doubly difficult when young, beautiful and strong leave us. God rest his soul!
* * *
I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but are there such words on earth at all. Hold on for the sake of blessed memory. Everlasting memory!
Husband/wife
* * *
Love never dies, the memory of it will always light up your heart. You just believe in it!
* * *
A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be near. In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! Be strong!
* * *
The past cannot be returned, but the bright memory of this love will remain with you for life. Be strong!
* * *
I grieve with you at this difficult moment. But for the sake of children, for the sake of loved ones, you need to survive these mournful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.
Relatives
* * *
My condolences! It hurts to think about it, it's hard to talk about it. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory!
* * *
Little consolation, but know that we are with you in grief of loss and sincerely empathize with your entire family! Everlasting memory!
* * *
Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! As she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if a candle had gone out. Heavenly kingdom to her!
Friends
* * *
I know he meant a lot to you. They say heaven takes the best. Let's believe in it and pray for his soul!
* * *
You were like sisters, I understand your feelings. I want to share this grief with you. How can I help you? You can always count on my support.
* * *
He was a good person. I understand how difficult it is for you right now. Time heals wounds, you must be strong for the sake of your best friend. he wouldn't want you to sag.
* * *
I am very sorry that this happened. I'm truly sorry! You hold on. Your friend is watching you from the sky. Make him proud of you. For the sake of your friendship.
Disease
Addressee
* * *
God does not send such trials to a person that he is unable to survive. So you can, and you will definitely cope with it. I believe!
* * *
Listen to the advice of doctors and take care of yourself. For the sake of a happy future and people who care about you.
* * *
I'm sorry about what happened. Remember, you can always count on me.
* * *
The soul would not have a rainbow if the eyes did not have tears. You'll be fine.
* * *
Everything will be fine. You will get better and life will be filled with bright colors, remember: after the black stripe there is always a white one!
* * *
Believe in your recovery, because good mood and optimism can play an important role. Everything will be fine! It cannot be otherwise!
* * *
Let it be bad now, but then everything will be fine. Everything will change and the pain will recede. God will give strength to endure everything, do not lose hope, hold on.
* * *
Think positive, believe in recovery, do not succumb to illness, fight! It's hard, but you have to keep going! We love you and believe that together we will definitely overcome the disease.
close person of the addressee
* * *
He (she) will definitely recover, you just need to believe and not lose hope.
* * *
Everything will be fine! We are always there. If you need help - get in touch.
* * *
Think only about the good! The disease will pass, he (she) will recover. It won't always be bad. You just have to wait.
* * *
We will pray for him (her), and you hold on!
* * *
God does not send trials that a person cannot survive. And she can! We are sure of it! If you need our help, please contact us. Let's do our best and get better!
Treason
Husband
* * *
Everything in life is for the better, only we understand this over time. The pain will subside, and you will look at the world with different eyes. And then there will be already much worthy people nearby!
* * *
Darling, everything will pass, everything will be fine. I know you are a strong woman, you can handle it. He didn't deserve you. Find the strength to endure this pain. And believe me, all the good things are ahead!
* * *
Everything will be alright. You are a self-sufficient and smart woman. Gather the pain into a fist and throw it away along with all the memories.
* * *
Start life from scratch, do not think about the past. This can be learned. You can do it!
If a close friend has a similar situation, for example, find out and help her with good advice.
Wives
* * *
A woman does not cheat with her body, she cheats with her soul - remember these words. Why do you need a person who betrayed? Find the strength within yourself to get through this. And the sooner you do this, the sooner something good will knock on your life.
* * *
When you leave, you need to leave! Find the strength not to return to the place where you were once betrayed. If you need moral support, you can always contact me. I think you deserve better treatment!
* * *
Respect yourself and understand that you are not on your way with this person. She doesn't deserve respect. Forgive her, let her go and make room next to you for a more worthy woman.
Find out and help the man make the right decision.
guy
Life filters people who don't deserve you. Be grateful to the higher powers that they take care of you and remove from your life those who do not make you happy. It's hard for you right now, that's okay. But over time, you will be convinced that everything is only for the better.
* * *
Don't worry, this is not the last man on Earth.
* * *
He doesn't deserve your suffering, be strong.
* * *
You are beautiful, interesting and smart, so therefore you are not threatened by loneliness.
* * *
I will always support you, you deserve the best. Remember this, and do not humiliate yourself.
girls
* * *
Consider that in this way, forces from above filter people who you do not need. Head higher and forward, the light did not converge on it like a wedge.
* * *
You're a strong guy, you can cut her out of your life. I will always support you!
* * *
You're a good guy, it's her own fault that she didn't value you.
* * *
Everything will be fine, the girls themselves will hang around your neck, you're a macho!
In verse
* * *
How people's lives filter. Noticed?
But she is smarter and wiser,
Yesterday we slept in the same bed,
Not even among friends today.
* * *
Braga is stronger in someone else's glass.
The chest is larger in someone else's wife.
When half a step to the abyss,
we are no longer needed.
I understood one of the truths
that the pig will find dirt everywhere.
Not enough bullets to shoot at the rats
that escape from the ship.
Changed
* * *
Don't blame yourself for what happened. It is human nature to make mistakes. Let this mistake teach you a great lesson: every sunset is the beginning of a new, bright dawn.
* * *
I don't blame you, and I don't support you. You didn't become a bad person after that, you just made a mistake. Do not try to fix the problem, try to fix your thoughts, and then, I am sure, the problem will be solved by itself.
* * *
You can't forget it. But you can stop blaming yourself, and then you will remember it less often.
* * *
There are reasons for everything, and I'm sure you had them too. Do not blame yourself. The one to whom you are really important will not reject you even after what happened, and will give you the opportunity to explain. The important thing is that you sincerely regret it, and have drawn the right conclusions. There are many examples in the world when, after betrayal, people really begin to appreciate each other and are more afraid of losing than those who remain faithful. The former faced the problem head-on, and can assess all the risks. I wish everything goes well!
Betrayal
Friend
* * *
A person who betrayed love can be justified, but a person who betrayed friendship cannot! Draw the right conclusions, and learn to live without this person.
* * *
Pull yourself together and understand that a real friend could not do this to you! Dry your tears and start singing!
* * *
They say that true friends cannot be replaced, your friends easily replaced you. Conclusion - there were no "real". Everything is ahead, believe me!
* * *
I wonder what your former best friends are doing now, probably saying nasty things about you to those they used to say nasty things about. You don't need such people. You are the best and hang out with the best!
Colleagues
* * *
Life provides us with experience in the form of communication with different people. Smoky and not so good or bad. Learn from this lesson and move on. Now you are one situation more experienced! And that's a plus!
* * *
Let this be only a good lesson for you, not suffering. Draw conclusions about this person and communicate with him only at work.
* * *
The main thing is to remain a person in this situation, do not act out of spite.
* * *
Don't sink to someone else's level, and don't let other people drag you down.
Relatives
* * *
You will now calm down, because you have already been given the full measure of our sincere sympathy. And now there is no time to cry, the matter is waiting.
* * *
I understand that it is hard to realize his betrayal, but now you see who surrounds you. And you can change that by talking only with the worthy.
Dismissal
In your own words
* * *
Each finish is the start for something completely new.
Everything will be as it should be. Even if it's different.
* * *
I understand how difficult it is for you right now. But you hold on, you're strong (s), you will succeed.
* * *
If you want to discuss something, you can always count on me.
* * *
Everything will definitely be fine. Everything will end well, and if it's not good yet, then this is not the end.
* * *
You are a good worker, you still have everything ahead of you!
* * *
Everything will work out, you will find the job of your dreams, most importantly, take care of your health.
* * *
I can't go through this for you. But I can live it with you. And together we can do everything.
* * *
Chaos and trouble precede great change - remember that.
* * *
Most likely, the problem will not disappear in 24 hours. But in 24 hours your attitude to this problem can change. Let's change this together. You can always count on my help.
In verse
* * *
“She has no chance,” circumstances declared loudly.
"She's a loser," people shouted.
“She will succeed,” God said quietly.
* * *
You will win - I know for sure.
You will get through - I believe in it.
And not bent and not broken
You hits and losses.
Let it be smooth only on paper -
Although there are many trials
You will overcome step by step
All of them! Through thick and thin!
Accident
In your own words
* * *
Honey, you will get better and soon we will run to discos :)
* * *
Everything will be fine, no one is to blame for what happened!
* * *
The guardian angel protects you, because he gave you a chance to live.
* * *
Nothing terrible happened, everyone is alive, and this is the most important thing.
* * *
I'll come to you for tea, bring cookies and heal you :)
In verse
People, cherish every day
Treasure every minute.
We only live once on earth
Rejoice, it's morning again!
God gave life and blessed us,
May we walk on the right path.
After all, it is not in vain that He instilled a soul in us,
To ask later, beyond that threshold.
Live, love, help each other
We must, it cannot be otherwise.
And for this - God's grace,
And spiritually you will become richer.
Years fly by unnoticed
Rejoice and enjoy life!
Do not skimp on kind words
Please everyone and smile more often!
Animal death
Briefly in your own words
* * *
I sympathize. It's like losing a loved one. I understand you. Everything will be fine, hold on.
* * *
Just believe that your dog is there - invisibly nearby.
* * *
I understand how you feel, time will pass and you will feel better.
* * *
You've been in worse situations. And nothing, you did it! And you'll be fine, I'm sure!
* * *
Everything will be fine! We will get through this together.
* * *
I can see how dear he was to you, but keep on living.
Find out and help a person who is ill. For him, this is the same as losing a loved one.
Depressed
In your own words
* * *
Believe in the word that there is something to live for. You're just closed to it right now. Time will pass, and life will take on colors. Trust me, faith will help this fact happen faster.
* * *
Remember, it won't always be like this. We'll laugh at this together.
* * *
Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer it instead of living and enjoying it. Remember this as soon as sadness wants to take possession of you.
* * *
Most people are as happy as they allow themselves to be. Allow yourself to be happy.
In verse
Or maybe just get up on the other foot,
And instead of coffee, take and drink juice ...
And turn your usual steps
In the direction where there will be more use ...
And on this day, do everything wrong:
Put from the end to the beginning of the number,
And the most insignificant trifle
Fill with good and high meaning.
And do what no one expects
And laugh where you cried so much
And the feeling of hopelessness will pass
And the sun will rise where the rain dripped.
From the circle wound by fate
Take it and jump out at the station of the unknown...
You will be surprised - the world is completely different,
And life is more unexpected, and more interesting.
Motivating
In your own words
* * *
The fate of the person who sits in the seat does not move either. Go ahead, I believe in you!
* * *
You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can always raise the sails to reach your goal.
* * *
There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere ...
* * *
Remember that when you really want something, the whole Universe will help to make your desire come true.
In verse
Look into your eyes again.
Fly forward again.
Just back - you can not.
Everything that has passed does not count.
And it's easy to let go.
Believe: movement is life.
The past is far away
Just don't turn around!
Beloved girlfriend/wife
In your own words
* * *
My love, everything will be fine, you are strong! I'm always there, remember that!
* * *
Honey, you can always rely on me!
* * *
Remember: we ourselves invent problems, barriers, complexes and frameworks for ourselves. Free yourself - breathe life and understand that you can do everything. I love you and that's the main thing.
* * *
You are the best woman for me in the whole world, remember that. Smile and never sour.
In verse
* * *
Dear, be patient!
Everything will work out, believe me!
Worrying anxiety will go away
And the door to happiness will open!
And nothing, baby, do not be afraid!
Forget about the past, about everything!
And don't worry about a thing
We will survive everything together!
* * *
Calm down, it doesn't happen
In this life, everything is on the "five",
But my love is flying
And anxiety drives back.
You believe, tender love
* * *
If only, baby, I could
When it's so hard for you
Substitute two wings on the fly
Under your weary wing.
If I could make it
Disperse the clouds above you
So that you forget all the worries of the day
And peace returned to again.
It's a pity, but I'm just a woman - not God,
My heart is with you, and you hold on.
So that you can withstand the storm,
I pray quietly for your life.
* * *
Who hung their nose so low?
Who is sad for no apparent reason?
So I want you to be happy again
Do not invent stupid things!
Let your mood jump
Look at the colors in life again!
Happiness lies ahead
Well - give me a smile quickly!
* * *
There is no point in any line.
And a glass - for success ahead.
* * *
When a tear drips from pain ...
When the heart beats with fear...
When the soul hides from the light...
When all life is torn from grief ...
You sit quietly in silence ...
Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired ...
Tell yourself alone...
I will be happy! Through thick and thin!
* * *
Each of us has a breaking point
When the heart gets heavy
When we feel like we're falling off a cliff
And life becomes like a black spot ...
Each of us has a ray of hope
And someone very close and dear
Will not let you fall into the abyss
And he will say: "Don't be afraid, I'm with you!"
* * *
Smile! There is no place for sadness
In such a beautiful and young soul.
After all, we are sad, to be honest,
There is no point in any line.
Every day is filled with new happiness
And a glass - for success ahead.
You are capable of many things in life
Just believe, don't give up and wait!
* * *
Forget everything, don't fall low
Be brave, be happy, dream
Don't take everything too close
And don't take it at all.
Words are just someone's opinion
They mean nothing.
Be strong in battle and change your mind
At the call of your heart.
* * *
Problems were, are and will be,
You don't have to suffer because of them.
Around there are films, books, people -
Find something to keep yourself busy.
Learn to learn from mistakes
(Of course, better on strangers).
And do not be ashamed of stuffed cones,
Life is like that, where would we be without them
Be a positive person
Love people, love yourself
Fill your life with cheerful laughter
Take a deep breath and ... live!
* * *
Our whole life is just a moment,
Dependent on us.
And from diapers to wrinkles
There is a bridge as long as "now".
And we will remember yesterday,
We want to wait tomorrow...
But heaven has its own game ...
Seven rules and reasons.
Live without breaking them
To save the soul.
When the war ends
You will be appreciated...
No need to look for logic
After all, you can not have time
Kiss relatives,
And sing the song of the heart...
If you see an error, please highlight a piece of text and click Ctrl+Enter.
Grief is the inner experience of loss and the thoughts and feelings associated with it. Specialist in social psychiatry Erich Lindemann devoted a whole work to such an emotional state, calling it "acute grief."
Psychologist lists 6 signs or symptoms of acute grief:
1. Physical suffering - constant sighing, complaints of loss of strength and exhaustion, lack of appetite;
2. Change of consciousness - a slight feeling of unreality, a feeling of an increase in the emotional distance that separates the grieving from other people, absorption in the image of the deceased;
3. Guilt - search in the events preceding the death of a loved one, evidence that he did not do everything he could for the deceased; blaming oneself for inattention, exaggerating the significance of one's slightest missteps;
4. Hostile reactions - loss of warmth in relations with people, irritation, anger and even aggression against them, the desire that they do not disturb;
5. Loss of behavior patterns - haste, restlessness, aimless movements, constant search for some activity and inability to organize it, loss of interest in anything;
6. The appearance in the grieving features of the deceased, especially the symptoms of his last illness or behavior - this symptom is already on the border of a pathological response.
The experience of grief is individual, but at the same time, it has its own phases. Of course, the duration and their sequence may vary.
1. Shock and numbness
"Can not be!" - this is the first reaction to the news of the death of a loved one. The characteristic state can last from a few seconds to several weeks, averaging 9 days. A person experiences a feeling of unreality of what is happening, mental numbness, insensitivity, physiological and behavioral disorders. If the loss is too overwhelming or sudden, the resulting shock and denial of what happened sometimes take on paradoxical forms that make others doubt the person’s mental health. This does not mean insanity, just the human psyche is not able to withstand the blow and for some time seeks to isolate itself from the terrible reality, creating an illusory world. At this stage, the mourner can look for the deceased in the crowd, talk to him, “hear” his steps, put extra cutlery on the table ... The things and the room of the deceased can be kept intact in case of “return”.
What and how can you help a person in the shock phase?
Talking and comforting him is completely useless. He still does not hear you, and to all attempts to console him, he will only say that he feels good. At such moments, it would be good to be constantly nearby, not leaving a person alone for a second, not letting him out of the field of attention, so as not to miss an acute reactive state. In this case, it is not necessary to talk to him, you can just silently be there.
Sometimes tactile contacts alone are enough to bring a person out of a severe shock. Movements such as stroking the head are especially good. At this moment, many people feel small, defenseless, they want to cry, as they cried in childhood. If you managed to cause tears, then the person moves on to the next phase.
It is necessary to evoke any strong feelings in a person - they can bring him out of shock. Obviously, it is not easy to awaken a state of great joy, but anger is also suitable here.
2. Anger and resentment
They can last from several days to 2-3 weeks. After the fact of loss begins to be recognized, the absence of a loved one is felt more and more acutely. The grief-stricken person replays the circumstances of his death and the events that preceded it over and over again in his mind. The more he thinks about it, the more questions he has. It is difficult for a person to come to terms with the loss. He tries to comprehend what happened, to find the reasons for it, asking himself a lot of different “why”: “Why exactly him?”, “Why (for what) such a misfortune fell on us?”, “Why didn’t you keep him at home?”, “ Why didn't you insist on going to the hospital?”... Anger and accusation can be directed at fate, God, people. The reaction of anger can also be directed at the deceased himself: for leaving and becoming the cause of suffering; for not writing a will; left behind a bunch of problems, including material ones; for making a mistake and not being able to escape death. All these negative emotions are quite natural for a person experiencing grief. It's just a reaction to their own helplessness in this situation.
3. Stage of guilt and obsession
A person suffering from remorse over the fact that he was unfair to the deceased or did not prevent his death, can convince himself that if only it were possible to turn back time and return everything back, then he would certainly behave in the same way. to another. At the same time, it can be repeatedly played in the imagination, as if everything were then. Loss sufferers often torture themselves with numerous “ifs”, sometimes becoming obsessive: “If I only knew ...”, “If I only stayed ...” This is also a very common reaction to loss. We can say that here acceptance is struggling with denial. Almost everyone who has lost a loved one, in one form or another, feels guilty before the deceased for not preventing his departure; for not doing something for the deceased: not caring enough, appreciating, helping, not talking about his love, not asking for forgiveness, etc.
4. Stage of suffering and depression
Duration from 4 to 7 weeks. The fact that in the sequence of stages of grief suffering was in fourth place does not mean that at first it is not there, and then it suddenly appears. The point is that at a certain stage, suffering reaches its peak and overshadows all other experiences. This is a period of maximum mental pain, which sometimes seems unbearable. The death of a loved one leaves a deep wound in the heart of a person and causes severe torment, felt even at the physical level. The suffering that a person experiences is not permanent, but usually comes in waves. Tears can come at any recollection of the deceased, about the past life together and the circumstances of his death. Feelings of loneliness, abandonment and self-pity can also become a reason for tears. At the same time, longing for the deceased does not necessarily manifest itself in crying, suffering can be driven deep inside and find expression in depression. Even though suffering can sometimes become unbearable, mourners may cling to it (usually unconsciously) as an opportunity to keep in touch with the deceased and testify their love for him. The internal logic in this case is something like this: to stop grieving means to calm down, to calm down means to forget, to forget means to betray.
What can be done to ease the suffering of the grieving?
If during the first phase one should constantly be with the grieving person, then here one can and should allow the person to be alone if he wants to. But if he has a desire to talk, you must always be at his disposal, listen and support.
If a person cries, it is not at all necessary to console him. What is "comfort"? This is an attempt to make him not cry. We have an unconditioned reflex to other people's tears: seeing them, we are ready to do everything so that the person calms down and stops crying. And tears provide an opportunity for the strongest emotional discharge.
You can unobtrusively involve a person in socially useful activities: puzzle him with work, start loading him with household chores. This gives him the opportunity to escape from the main experiences.
And, of course, a person needs to constantly demonstrate that you understand his loss, but treat him like an ordinary person, without doing him any concessions.
5. Stage of acceptance and reorganization
It can last from 40 days to 1-15 years. No matter how hard and long the grief, in the end, as a rule, a person comes to an emotional acceptance of the loss, which is accompanied by a weakening or transformation of the soul connection with the deceased. At the same time, the connection of times is restored: if before that the grieving person lived mostly in the past and did not want (was not ready) to accept the changes that had taken place in his life, now he is gradually regaining the ability to fully live in the reality around him and look to the future with hope. A person restores social ties lost for a while and makes new ones. Interest in significant activities returns, new points of application of one's strengths and abilities open up. Having accepted life without a deceased loved one, a person acquires the ability to plan his own future destiny without him. This is how life is reorganized.
Basic Help at this stage is to contribute to this appeal to the future, to help build all kinds of plans.
How the process of experiencing the loss will proceed, how intense and long the sadness will be, depends on many factors.
The significance of the deceased and the features of the relationship with him. This is one of the most significant moments that determine the nature of grief. The closer the person who passed away was and the more complicated, confusing, conflicting the relationship with him was, the harder the loss is experienced. The abundance and importance of something not done for the deceased and, as a result, the incompleteness of relations with him especially exacerbate mental anguish.
circumstances of death. A stronger blow, as a rule, is caused by an unexpected, severe (painful, prolonged) and / or violent death.
The age of the deceased. The death of an elderly person is usually perceived as a more or less natural, logical event. Conversely, it can be more difficult to come to terms with the death of a young person or child.
Loss experience. Past deaths of loved ones are connected by invisible threads with each new loss. However, the nature of their influence in the present depends on how the person dealt with it in the past.
Personal characteristics of the grieving. Each person is unique, and his individuality, of course, manifests itself in grief. Of the many psychological qualities, it is worth highlighting how a person relates to death. It depends on his reaction to the loss. As writes J. Rainwater, "the main thing that prolongs grief is the very tenacious illusion inherent in people of guaranteed reliability of existence."
Social connections. The presence of people nearby who are ready to hold and share grief greatly facilitates the experience of loss.
Often, relatives in their desire to support only make things worse. So what you should not say in communication with grieving people:
Untimely statements that do not take into account the current circumstances or the psychological state of the bereaved.
Inappropriate statements generated by a misunderstanding of grief or a desire to drown it out: “Well, you are still young, and”, “Don't cry - she / he would not like it”, etc.
Projective statements that transfer one's own ideas, feelings or desires onto another person. Among the different kinds of projections, two stand out in particular:
a) a projection of one's experience, for example, in the words: "Your feelings are so clear to me." In fact, any loss is individual, and no one can fully understand the suffering and severity of the loss of the Other.
c) projection of their desires - when sympathizers say: "You need to get on with your life, you need to go out more often, you need to end mourning" - they are simply expressing their own needs.
In addition, the most frequently used cliches should be singled out separately, which, as it seems to others, alleviate the suffering of the grieving, but in fact prevent him from properly experiencing grief: “You should have dealt with this by now”, “You need to occupy yourself with something”, "Time heals all wounds", "Be strong", "You should not give vent to tears." All these verbal attitudes drive grief underground.
